disappointed...

I was so sure that I could handle this process... And I am sure that I can. I am just having a string of bad days. It will get easier, but it isn't easy right now.

I spoke with the agency and asked what the time line was from this point forward. I thought once we were past the home study phase that we were in the 6 - 8 month window I keep hearing about, but it seems there are about a million steps between now and the 6 - 8 month window. We have to have all of our paperwork filed, an accepted referral and our power of attorney to Guatemala before the 6 - 8 month window begins. This is probably putting us closer to Christmas than the end of summer. Brian's mom is going to faint when she hears how much longer we are going to have to wait. I could be surprised and maybe these steps will go faster than I think, but since everything is taking longer than I thought it would I am beginning to lose that notion.

I received my Pottery Barn Kids catalogue tonight and I was going through it and I just finally put it down. Once again it feels like too soon to even be thinking about such things. I don't know when the time comes when you can allow yourself to start living like you are having a child, but right now it just feels like a fairy tale.

Again, I am just having a string of bad days. I know they won't last forever, and I am sure it will get easier. Right now, it just feels like we will be 50 by the time this is all said and done...

Paperwork rounds one, two and three are conquered (almost)!!!!!

After all the craziness last week I was able to get into the Sec. of States easily and painlessly today. I am praising the powers that be! Now all my documents have all kinds of pretty stamps and seals and extra pieces of paper attached to them. I had to send the agency a list of questions because I am not quite sure what to do now. I know they need to go to the embassy next but I don't know if I send them in directly or if they go through the agency first. We'll see.

I need to make two copies of everything, get our photos done and wait on Brian's birth certificate to come back. After that it should be smooth sailing for awhile. I am sure we will have some additional trauma down the road, but I feel like I have conquered enough that I can handle whatever comes our way.

Brian didn't like the fact that I had been telling everyone I was doing everything. He thought it made him look bad. :) Truth be told, I have been doing everything, but only because I am being a control freak. And anything I have delegated he has handled... plus some. He did buy me a great dinner the other night, which is exactly what was needed. Tomorrow he has to swing by Staples and get color cartridges and glossy (has to be glossy) photo paper, so he is definitely doing his part. And he surprised me and decided he would get moving on the baby's room. He took apart the bed and started to refinish the dresser that was in there (of course as soon as the bed was done and the room strewn with patched up dresser drawers I reminded him that I still needed a picture of that room to send to Guatemala, but we'll deal with that later.). So no complaints on my end!

Everyone keeps asking me what the time line is now. To be perfectly honest I haven't the foggiest. I keep saying end of summer and we will just have to wait and see if that's true or not. I have a feeling we will know a little more once all the paperwork is through the embassy and we get our form back from INS... now we just have to wait and see how long that all takes.

BAH!

I don't think this is fun at all.

I had a nice time in Columbiana. My sister and I were able to celebrate her birthday and have a little girl time. I made really good time and got in early. We started off at Barnes and Noble (and Starbucks!). We found a globe and looked up Guatemala and then found a travel book that had some great pictures. We made a couple of trips to different stores... didn't really buy much but had fun walking around. We had a nice dinner and then went home.

I don't miss being 22. I know a lot of people look back at that period in their life with fond memories but I think it is one of the toughest points in your life. You're still young. But you're supposed to be grown up. The magic switch is supposed to flip so you can take care of yourself, but there's still so much room to learn... and make mistakes. We were hanging out at the house when Katy got a call from a friend. The friend had run into another friend and after chatting they realized they had friends (Katy being one) who were dating the same guy... Katy had fun with that phone call later. She was forced to realize the guy she liked and had spent quite a few months with but who wouldn't commit, wouldn't commit because he had a girlfriend the entire time. I don't miss that at all!

Anyway, we stayed up telling gory boy stories for way too late, but we managed to get up a decent hour and get out of the house. We drove the 30 minutes to Lisbon where I was able to get the Doctors letters certified. I thought I had it made at this point. We got breakfast (thank goodness!) and I headed back home. I had heard from everyone that needed to re-do the other letters and I thought I had plenty of time to get home, pick them up, run to the clerk of courts and even get to the Sec. of State... Plenty of time!

Traci met me outside work and gave me the work letters. I buzzed over to the clerk of courts and breezed on through only to have two of three letters left to be certified kicked out... again. The notary wasn't registered in Franklin County. I was so mad I wanted to punch something... or cry. I called Traci and she called the notary and we figured out she was registered in Pickaway County. I called the clerk of courts there and they were able to confirm she was registered but now I only had around 45 minutes to get there before they closed for the week. I made it! I cannot believe it but I walked out of the Pickaway County clerk of courts at 3:49 (they close at 4). The Sec. of State wouldn't take anyone passed 4:30 and I knew there was no way I would be back into downtown Columbus by 4:30 so I decided I would take off Monday morning and finish it up.

While I was feeling good about getting all the letters certified I was so angry that I hadn't done it earlier. I was angry that all my friends had to be dragged through these hoops with me! And I was so angry that notaries do not seem to understand the process. I spent from 9:00 in the morning until 4:30 in the afternoon (minus the trips into the clerk of courts, breakfast and stopping for gas) in my car... the entire day! I didn't stop to have lunch or even go to the bathroom I so badly wanted to have this finished up. I knew this process would be difficult. I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for was the anger and disappointment. For the last three days it felt like I was so close to having it all finished up. Every other hour I thought I would be done and every other hour it felt like I was days away from getting this wrapped up. It seems like such a little thing but it has been absolutely exhausting.

I finally got home and collapsed on the couch. I turned on the TV and went through the DVR shows. Discovery hasn't shown any new adoption story shows in forever but I keep taping them in the hopes of one. Anyway, I have seen them all 20 times, but there's this one episode that always gets me. This couple in Cincinnati adopted out of India and they're story is sweet, just like any other one. But there is this moment in the show when the agency representative goes to the orphanage to act as escort to bring the boy to the U.S. The little boy is so cute and he is 3 and seems to understand exactly what is going on. He is sitting at the table with all the other kids and the head of the orphanage introduces him to the man who is going to take him to his mommy and daddy. The little boy about jumps out of his seat he is so excited. Every time I see that I think about some poor child who just wants a family... and then I cry. And then I remind myself that all this is worth it. It will work out. And what is one more day off work! It'll keep.

So there I am exhausted and crying when Brian gets home. He says to make me feel better I get to pick dinner and he will drive and get it... Whatever I want, where ever I want. Things are definitely looking up!

Oh the joy!

I never would have guessed all of this would be soooo difficult but alas, it is! I had yesterday and today off and I was hopeful that I could get everything done, but its never that easy. I went to the clerk of courts in Franklin County to get everything certified and almost half of my documents were kicked out because either the notary wasn't registered in Franklin County or wasn't current. The only thing that really made me cry was seeing her hand me back both of our doctors letters. They weren't easy to get and I was devastated by the thought I was going to have to go through all of that again. I called the doctor's office and it seems the notary there is registered in Columbiana County... which is 31/2 hours away! Luckily it is also where I grew up so Mom's house is close by. After freaking out for awhile I decided that I will drive home today and go to the Clerk of Courts in Columbiana later today or tomorrow morning. Kate just happens to be on vacation this week so tonight we will celebrate her b-day... which makes driving home all the more worth while.

Tomorrow I am hoping to make it back in time to gather all the documents and get them through the clerk of courts. Roger, Traci and my work have had to do their letters three times now! But hopefully I can get everything through the clerk of courts tomorrow and then through the Secretary of State's by Monday afternoon. Thank goodness I had vacation time saved up. Here's hoping I can accrue more before the baby actually arrives!

I know it has been less than a week but I am ready for the home study report to be done already!

No word from our social worker yet. I am assuming that she is proofing the report and getting it notarized but it would be really nice if it were done. I have next Wednesday off and that is probably the earliest I could get the final signatures needed but I am being impatient and want it now. I still have finished collecting all the photos I need, but I have decided that with the rate everything is going I will get it done in time and I am not going to worry about it.

This week should be a little hectic... But with the snow, who knows how things will play out. We are designing (hopefully) a new exhibit around Egyptian mummies and archaeology which should be really cool. Our potential designers our traveling in tomorrow. They will be in for most of the day in meetings reviewing concept boards (I researched the funerary tomb and with Brian being such a geek I didn't have to buy one single book. We had them here already at the house.). Than tomorrow I am supposed to be training on the Einstein exhibit... should prove interesting since I haven't really seen the exhibit myself yet. The rest of the week we have school groups and a ton more trainings with the exhibit opening on Saturday.

At least I will be busy and keep motoring through this week... Here's to making it through to Wednesday!

Home Study Draft Received!

Yea! Yea! Yea! I was beginning to feel totally stuck but the draft came today. (I guess I should get used to feeling totally stuck because that's pretty much what it will be for awhile...) I will admit that I cried a smidge when I got to the page that said we were approved for adoption! Poor Matt at work didn't know what to think. He just wanted to know where the cart with the fossils was and I am sitting there bawling.

It looks good. I am impressed with how cool she made us sound. We reviewed it tonight and will send some notes back... What a shock that she spelled Loutzenhiser wrong. Can't believe that one! After she makes the final changes she will send the official copies to us and we can wrap up the paperwork stuff. It will probably take awhile to find time to get the final stamps and seals but I do have a couple of week days off coming up so hopefully I can get it done then.

So glad the light at the end of the paperwork tunnel is shining bright! It is almost hard to believe that in a month or so we could be getting a referral. I can't imagine what that moment will be like (for those that don't know referral = baby information). Brian got a couple of emails from the agency with pictures of available children and I wished we had been able to say right then and there we want one of these fellas. But patience is a virtue and we are getting close.